On a more serious note...

          Guess who's fat and sucks at daily blog posts?! That's right Ladies and Gents, it's ME! In my defense, Fat chicks have a lot to deal with on a daily basis. I'm a wife, which obviously means I have a fat husband at home to feed. I'm a mother, and while my 2 year old isn't old enough to be called "fat", she still attempts to eat me out of house and home. I work full-time as a Pre-K teacher playing games, eating snacks, and making messes. In my free time, I work on crossing restaurants off my Food Bucket List and I read contemporary romance novels. So as you can tell folks, I am completely devoted to eating and being a child! Sometimes that gets in the way of being an adult, even more often, it gets in the way of being the best blogger ever, but I'm back fatties!

        While we are clearing things up, there is something I would like to clarify...

       If I offend anyone, I'm sorry and not for offending you, but for the sad fact that you are either a skinny girl who complains "Ugh, I'm so fat" while slipping into your size 6 "Fat Pants" or you are indeed fat and have no sense of humor. There is nothing worse than a fat girl who can't roll with the punches. It's OK to not enjoy being fat. I DON'T enjoy being fat. I would love to be skinny, I would love to get the looks and boob stares I used to get, I want my husband to brag about me, I want to be the hot mom when I drop the kids off at school and I want to like what I see in the mirror.

 
     Right now, that isn't who I am. I want to be skinny, I want to be cat whistled at by some obnoxious construction workers (i.e. My Husband), I want other fat moms to hate me someday but right now that's not the case. I will get there, I will break off this love affair I have with food someday but do you know what I won't do? I WILL NOT make myself ugly on the inside to match myself on the outside. I'm not going to get butt hurt when someone calls me out on the truth, I wont walk on eggshells with myself or anyone else. I will not take offense when someone says, "We just ate" or when some blog whore tells me I can't wear pants my vagina enjoys eating. I will continue to call out fat girls for the dumb shit they do, the ridiculous things they wear, and the utter nonsense they tell themselves in order to convince others that eating dinner at the fair is in fact a good idea because I am the fat girl I'm calling out.
       I have been humiliated with the best of them. When I was in middle school I really liked this goofy kid who was tall, lanky and had the most awful Dumbo ears, Hindsight is 20/20. During our science class, taught by a fat lesbian lady, Dumbo's best friend, a fellow fatty with fucked up teeth, told me to go out into the breezeway because Dumbo wanted to ask me out. I being the stupid girl I was am, believed him. I stood on the breezeway for what felt like 30 minutes before the fat best friend strolled out moooo-ing at me. That's right, the mother fucker moo-ed at me. I was pissed but I never cried. I got over it and moved on. Now when I think about that situation I laugh. I was a size 9 with giant boobs for my age. I would kill to look like that again.
    If you are offended by the things I type then chances are you have some changes to make. Whether it's in weight or attitude, that's for you to decide. Roll with the punches, do something to change yourself instead of being upset with the actions and words of another. Being sad and depressed makes people like us eat, that's the complete opposite of what we need! Laugh it off, be a bitch, and #SuckInYourThighs.